Animation, Art, and Other Shiny Things
If you have a cat, or have ever lived with one, sit and think about this for a few moments – it is truly a scary thing…
Police logs hold much the same fascination that Obituaries do – a sort of voyeurism where there is such a dearth of information about a true-life event that happened in a close-by locale that it is incumbent on the reader to fill things in and plain make stuff up in order to make sense of it. If we’re lucky we recognize a name. (or not, depending on your view of said person)
Buried back behind the verbal tombstones, perhaps near the puzzle page, or better yet a full Department in the free neighborhood newspaper, the Police log is the neighborhood’s version of office gossip. Often mundane, occasionally unfortunate, and sometimes ridiculous.
Even so, rote listings of times and events can be pretty dry. Fortunately, at least a few newspapermen take note of the haplessness that occurs and twists its tail for our reading pleasure.
Erudite and unafraid to coin a word or phrase, the Arcata Eye Police Log casts it’s jaded and sarcastic gaze on the northern California community of Arcata.
12:24 a.m.
A Plazaland mammoth drum circle
With help from some pert Purple Nurple
And other sweet strains
Entranced nearby brains
Cops didn’t attempt a reversal
3:47 a.m. A man found himself locked inside a Northtown restaurant in his underwear, and couldn’t figure out how he had gotten there. An neighbor heard his cries for help and called police. Police determined that he had crawled in there through a hole in an adjacent residence’s closet, and extracted him via the same route. Damage to the restaurant’s bathroom wall was to be negotiated by the business and Captain Underpants.
11:50 a.m. A man at a Uniontown bus stop was said to have exposed his disgusty-bits at a passing woman, but police determined that he had been going potty and the hideous display was just collateral damage.
Being within the boundaries of Humboldt county may have something to do with the freewheeling verbiage, but that’s just speculation on my part.
Slithy, tove-like speculation, I daresay…
On the other hand, and on the other coast, there is the Rochester Police Log of Rochester, New Hampshire. Settled in 1749, incorporated in 1778, and given to occasional spouts of poetic crime reporting.
Wednesday, Feb. 9
8:12 a.m. — Off Pickering Road out in front of a home, flies a flag upside-down at half mast.
“That’s a sign of distress,” says a flag-aware man who telephoned police as he passed.
A police welfare check finds that folks are OK —
the rope on the flagpole had just given way.
Monday, Feb. 7
5:46 p.m. — A baby opossum is caught in a fence, but Fish & Game won’t send a man,
it’s too small they say so it doesn’t make sense, but thankfully police have a plan…
they free the wee creature — throw hats in the air — and in a cat carrier stuff it,
then feed it some veggies, and, showing they care, will let it go later (not snuff it).
(reformatted for clarity. in print it’s all run together)
These nuggets of poetry are rare and sometimes hard to spot due to formatting so you’ll have to keep a sharp eye out…
Wherever you get your crime news – the local rag, the Post Office wall, other inmates – leave time to browse these spots on the interwebs.
Yes, I’ve been remiss on posts lately – it’s been two weeks since the last. And it’s not for lack of trying; I’ve been working on three different drafts and two other missives this afternoon alone. (if you’re wondering, the draft folder is in double digits)
Pretty much everything is getting a bad case of Needsanotherdamnpage. It’s more likely a problem with the keyboard, but there is an outside chance it is (gasp!) me that is experiencing difficulty reining in my digressive tendencies causing the issue.
So to assuage my building guilt I offer up a bit of fun from one of my favorite shows How It’s Made. This video is how curling stones are made.
Not too far from me is a curling rink by the name of “Granite Curling“. As a kid, whenever we’d pass by in the car I’d wonder how they could curl granite. It being a rock and me being a rather curious cat I simply could not figure out how they could curl a substance with no flexible properties. I finally asked, and eventually got to watch the game played, and realized I was asking the wrong question, which should have been; Why are they sweeping the ice like that?
Cheryl Bernard - Curling Vixen. (yeah, I'd spend an afternoon at an ice rink to watch her curl...)
I’ve been a fan ever since and (somehow) became an even bigger fan during the 2010 Olympics, and specifically of the Canadian Women’s team and one Cheryl Bernard.
Now, before I ramble off on a digression on the delectability of Ms Bernard (who is married, by the way) let me re-direct both our attentions back to the subject of the How It’s Made show.
There’s a good number of How It’s Made videos on YouTube – enough to tank an entire afternoon easily and it would be well worth it.
This is my second winter having a car seat warmer and I’m quite enjoying it. Many a frigid morning has been improved by the toasting of my skinny ass as I roll in to work.
Everyone enjoys a hot ass, regardless of species - or entendre...
Robert Ballard at GM invented the electric car seat warmer in 1951 and got a patent for it in 1955. (Patent no. 2,698,893 to be precise) I’d venture that it’s one of the most un-repaired items on a vehicle, second only to recharging the AC. (The Seville was the only car I’ve ever owned whose AC worked. It smelled funny, however, so I’m not sure that counts as “working”)
The seat heaters on the Eldo are particularly hot, even on low, but a side benefit would be the use as a bun warmer – in the non-euphemistic sense, that is.
Drop the bagged bagel on the passenger seat, flip the switch to high, and it’s soft and warm by the time you pull into work. The cream cheese easily spreadable too. Those fresh-baked Krispie Kremes will still be exuding the odoriferous equivalent of a siren song when you get them to your desk. Pot luck? Offer to bring the rolls; A bag of heat-n-serve on the seat and you’re set on arrival. Need a road-trip snack? Slap a piece of Velveeta between a couple pieces of toast and in 10 miles you have a melted cheese sandwich!
Let’s call it “Warm-on-the-Way” Technology ™. Wrap everything up in a small blanket or heavy towel to collect and retain the heat (and keep any leaks off the leather) and you are Good to Go.
Early research into "Warm-on-the-Way" (tm) technology
If this catches on expect a cookbook.
Just imagine the day; you’re on the road to the coast with the family and the wife leans forward from the back seat and says, “Do I smell cookies?”
As readers of this blog know I’ve eschewed cable tv in favor of online content. One of my main suppliers is Hulu.com and last week I came across a documentary called Reformat the Planet about the popularity and culture of “Chiptunes“. It’s a thoroughly entertaining look into the music and worth the watch.
Remember those songs and sound effects your Nintendo made? Use those sounds, and even the console itself, and make music. That pretty much kicked off the genre in the late 70’s.
While it won’t land on my regular playlist (often), it is well done stuff and is a pretty deep genre. For a quick listen:
Being an old computer geek most of my computer music has been the sound of the hardware. Who hasn’t drummed a beat along with the impact printer? Early scanners and floppy drives had great rhythm too. Someone got creative old school in this next video:
There is yet to be a version of Windows released that I truly liked (w2k wasn’t too bad, I guess…) but if nothing else, the sound files can be useful:
You don’t think I’d pass up even the flimsiest of excuses to drop a Daft Punk video in, do you?
I came across the Reduced Shakespeare Company some years ago and appreciate them immensely. I have never been able to bring myself to read the alleged masterpieces of The William, nor try to endure a stage performance.
And thanks to the RSC, I don’t have to. Their abbreviated renditions of Mr Bill’s classics allow me to familiarize myself with his work while avoiding the arduous task of wading through the words themselves or via the bleat of a wooden ham. The Reduced Shakespeare Company is anything but wooden…
So here is my contribution to your cultural exposure, don’t waste it.
In late 1978 I came across a magazine by the name of Heavy Metal. An “Adult Illustrated Fantasy Magazine”. A comic, really.
HM began publishing in April 1977, the first issue I came across was this one, December 1978
This wasn’t your regular ol’ underground comix though, but some real, serious, art.
I was enthralled and did what back-filling early issues I could. (never got my hands on an issue number 1, though…)
The stories were by some of the best graphic artists and story tellers from around the world: Druillet, Corbin, Moebius, Royo, and Bilal were stand-outs to me in those early issues. New stories and stories written by Lovecraft, Poe, Burroughs, and Milton (to name a few) were interpreted and re-interpreted. The style and colors were as complex and rich as the stories themselves. The likes of Frank Miller, Robert Crumb, and HR Giger have contributed gallery spreads and cover art over the years as well.
From the Heavy Metal Fan Page:
Heavy Metal is a sequential art anthology magazine. In other words; it’s a comic. However it’s not the typical comic that most people think of. […]
June 80 issue with the HR Giger gallery. This made me a lifelong HM fan. The cover art is a panel from Giger's Necronomicon.
Heavy Metal is mainly an assortment of different graphic illustrated stories, with the occasional article. These can vary in length anywhere from a complete half page story to dozens of pages in one [ED: or more] issue[s]. […]
The stories typically found within are works of Action and Adventure, often in a setting of Fantasy and Science Fiction. However, the stories aren’t limited to that, as you can also find Comedy, Poetry, Documentary, Drama, Horror, Mystery, Western, and just plain Weird.
Usually I have to hunt for new issues – and it can be an adventure. In the beginning the only place to find HM was at a head shop in a small by-way of Pike Place Market, and when that closed a comic store also in Pike Place (Golden Age, I think), none of the bookstore retailers would often carry it at Northgate (though the new magazine stand by the food court has it finally) and a Shoreline 7-11 that I used to frequent unexpectedly carried it for several months. Considering they only carried muscle car, WWF, and various vehicle ‘trader’ mags on that rack, the plethora of porn being behind the counter, I’d bet the appearance of HM was due to a minor minion at the mag distributor thinking it was a music rag.
An Arzach panel by Moebius
And yes, that is the curve thrown. Always check the music section. If they have it, half the time or more they put it there. (I think I’m showing tremendous restraint in not departing on a tangent about clueless people. But I digress…)
Now, I do have a definite bent towards heavy metal music (my iTunes says I have over a week’s straight worth of metal in my collection, second only to rock at 18 days and ahead of jazz at only five and a half days) but I don’t need to sift through slicks blaring the likenesses of the newest studded-leather huge-haired Norwegian death metal bands. On the other hand, in its’ more proper spot HM abuts superhero re-hashings and barely intelligible pre-teen mangas. Never mind… It’s a wash I guess…
Fortunately HM can be had via handy subscription, my current method of choice and exceedingly less frustrating. The furthest hunt required is to the mailbox. (and if you wonder when the next issue will be appearing there a simple e-mail answers that. They’re nice folks there at HM)
Besides various changes in publishing schedule over the last 30 years (the time it was a quarterly was particularly brutal, in my opinion) there’s been shifts in format as well.
The art has always been pretty top shelf, I’ve always found at least one story I like in every issue, however the filler and adverts periodically devolve into pin-up art and illustrated porn. (more in the special issues rather than the regular bi-monthly issues though the regular issues do have their moments) I’m not a prude by any stretch, but it’s much like going to see an exhibition of Hokusai’s Views of Mt Fuji and finding the gift shop selling drawings of Empress Suiko’s naughty bits.
Heavy Metal 2000 Cover. Yes, Julie Strain does look like that. I'll leave it to you to google the pics yourself.
Then there was the HM2k debacle…
I was a huge fan of the 1981 movie – saw it several times and have a copy, and have the issues that contain the stories the movie’s vignettes were based on. It was terrifically awesome seeing those stories come to ‘life’ on the screen.
Heavy Metal 2000, though…
The magazine itself had been getting pin-up/porn advert laden and the promotions shouted how the main character in both the movie and the accompanying video game F.A.K.K. 2, were voiced by, and modeled on, one Julie Strain. The promotions included photos of Ms Strain dressed in ye olde standard barbarian straps, patches, and cup-for-the-naughty-bits attire certain to send even the most emo pubescent male into fits of boxer short tent making. My initial thought was that there was a casting couch somewhere that was getting a serious workout. Little did I know at the time how close to the truth I was…
Just Gaze Upon the Awesomeness of the Quality Animation! (yes, that was sarcasm if you weren't sure...)
Julie Strain is a former Playboy playmate and actress in several B-grade flicks and Playboy studio releases as well as (drum roll, please) then wife of Kevin Eastman, editor of Heavy Metal magazine.
Topping at over 6-feet tall and built like an Amazon out of a Frazetta painting she wasn’t a bad figure to model the main character “Julie” after, however when you’re naming the main character after the real name of the actor portraying them it’s always a bad sign in my experience and this movie didn’t change that opinion.
With animation that constantly reminded me of Saturday morning cartoons, voice acting that packed the exitement of a menu reading, and a story with no ties to the magazine other than merchandizing, I was glad I waited until it came out on video to see it.
F.A.K.K. 2 from Ritual games
But, hey, they were coming out with a Heavy Metal game so it all couldn’t be bad, right? Uh… Well…
Built on the Quake III engine with graphics well done for the day, it was bound to be most excellent. I was getting into Everquest at the time and close-in melee combat was a big plus. In combination with technology and big guns… It was gonna be great.
It doesn’t matter if your shoes have an Italian pedigree, the cat can still puke in them.
Characterized as unfinished or “the framework for a much better game“, F.A.K.K. 2 sent allota cats to alotta closets hunting for a loafer… (and it’s not even worth digressing into why it was so awful. but then this entire hm2k debacle was an awful digression all on it’s own so why should I compound it?)
With all this, the huge increase in the illustrated porn adverts, and no real written content anymore, doing the big hunt and paying 5 bucks for maybe one good story was getting to be a questionable venture.
Gates by Hal Hefner Promo Poster. Go read it. Now. I'll wait...
Well, I have stuck with it and things seems to be looking up! Recently Heavy Metal has begun publishing an online comic called Gates by Hal Hefner. It looks great and promises to be a good story too. It’s at page 8 at the moment and a new page is published weekly. It “includes a soundtrack in homage to the 1981 film, Heavy Metal”. (not the newest one? imagine that…) Pretty slick offering and I hope they keep it up.
If that’s not enough, HM has a PDF sample of the current issue available online that looks stunning. Let’s hope they stick with it for the sake of the ebook market.
I suppose all this could be merely sound and fury to distract from a continued degradation of the print magazine itself, but it doesn’t look like it. There is some attempt to include written content – nothing like it had 30 years ago, but every little bit helps, as they say.
All in all, Heavy Metal Magazine remains a worthy read and the forays into online media is welcome and well done.
There are some videos that make you giggle no matter how many times you watch it. Don’t bother with the sound – they’re giggling too…
From wiki;
The simplest algorithm for generating a representation of the Mandelbrot set is known as the “escape time” algorithm. A repeating calculation is performed for each x, y point in the plot area and based on the behavior of that calculation, a color is chosen for that pixel.
Fractals have fascinated me for over 20 years. Back in the 80’s I had a fractal drawing program for my C-64 that could take over a day to render a relatively crude fractal image. For every day use, though, four to eight hours wasn’t unusual.
Over a decade ago I picked up a tiny screen saver that adjusts equation parameters and escape colors and redraws the screen continuously. (It can be quite mesmerizing…)
And now, just the other day I ran across this:
The Formula by Tom Beddard at subblue.com.
To create the 3 dimensional Mandelbrot set a tripartate coordinate is used (x,y,z) and, instead of a color to represent escape time, a distance calculation is used.
Even cooler than this is the name of the shape: a Mandelbulb.
The Mandelbrot Set
I don’t understand the math much beyond the most basic equations and I don’t have the software to play with Mr Beddard’s add-ons, so I really appreciate him putting this little film together.
Check out the Gallery; there are some stunning pics in there and, if you have Photoshop CS4 you can download and play with several add-ons found on the Projects page.
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The Ruffled Crow 