Animation, Art, and Other Shiny Things
In the realm of bad cinema Birdemic: Shock and Terror is on another plane entirely. It looks like the movie was intended as a serious effort, but when screenings elicited laughs, groans, and guffaws, the filmaker figured Birdemic‘s pure awfulness might make it a cult flick.
I think the jury is still out on that one.
Irregular sound, music that has no connection to the action (or to the movie, for that matter. repetitious and generic is understatement), woodenly awkward dialogue, and the indescribable editing are only a few of the myriad pratfalls this video makes.
It begins as a burgeoning romance between a software salesman and a model who just got the cover of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. (a nerd and a lingerie model – already an unbelievable scenario, but ne’er to worry, it gets worse…) This took the entire first half of the movie. No other plot. It is particularly painful due to the awful acting and tortured dialogue. I was surprised that Nathalie (the lingerie model) didn’t have a restraining order on our software tycoon, Rod, by fifteen minutes in. It was really rather creepy.
When the birds did finally show up it was at almost exactly the midpoint of the movie. (i started to get restless at about the 30 minute mark when i realized i hadn’t seen even a single bird so i was checking. well, that and the directionless romance was getting interminable. but i digress…)
Quite a few of those birds look closely related...
I can honestly say I was completely unprepared for what happened…
First we should talk about the birds themselves – they are, after all, the title characters. I can appreciate that training birds, let alone eagles and vultures, would be impossible thus the use of CGI birds is completely understandable. In Birdemic, however, I believe Writer/Director James Nguyen used C64 rather than CGI. (having had a commodore-64 back in the day, it probably could’ve been done a lot better if he’d really used one)
Havoc Being Wrought!
Small flocks of the aforementioned eagles and vultures fly around in curiously regular formations and hover menacingly. Yes, hover. I know what you’re thinking: “sacredcalf, eagles are too heavy and the vultures’ huge wingspan would make it impossible to hover, wouldn’t it?” To which I would reply: Yes, and I don’t think their wings are articulated quite the way shown, either. We won’t mention the perspective issues… I can go on about these digitally un-hanced birdstrocities but let’s just leave it with that.
So, back to the movie… We’re halfway in, the weird romance has just been consummated in a motel room, (he just closed a million dollar deal and a cheap motel room is the best he can do?) and the birds (finally) show up, screeching and hovering in formation. Why they show up isn’t immediately clear (and it really doesn’t ever become clear, at least i couldn’t figure it out) but here they are and they’re crapping acid and dive-bombing and exploding (kamikaze exploding eagles is actually kinda cool) and pecking peoples’ eyes out and messing ladies hair-dos and all sorts of dangerous bird attacking stuff. Sensibly, our newly-glowing couple decide they need to get outta Dodge.
Our Intreped Heros Bravely Fending Off the Avian Hourde
Fortunately an Ominously Disgruntled Veteran and his girlfriend who happen to have a van full of weapons are staying at that very same motel!
The escape from the motel to the van is one of the more iconic scenes of the film, I think. Using the only weapons available, clothes hangers, the four kids flail their way to the van and are nearly mobbed under when they get there. (fortunately no exploding eagles dive bombed them)
Armed, the four of them drive around a bunch shooting at randomish pockets of birds, rescue a pair of kids who’s parents have been savagely pecked to death, (curiously unaffected by their ordeal, they remained demanding little twits throughout the movie. i woulda chucked em out the side door ‘fore ten minutes were up) and happen to stumble across several folks that give us an “environmental message”. (no matter your opinion, it was painful…)
I won’t spoil the ending for you – you will have to see this movie yourself to truly appreciate the perseverance required to make it the entire ninety minutes.
From 1968. Happy Holidays of all sorts!
An innovatingly simple stop-motion animation by Tomas Mankovsky.
Part two, Panspermia, is based on a 5th century BC Greek idea that life exists throughout the universe and is spread by meteors, comets, asteroids, and the like. (not to be confused with exogenesis which says life on earth was transferred from somewhere else and could care less whether there’s life elsewhere. geocentric snobbery.)
Cirkus is stop-motion animation from Denmark and has, as one might expect, danish dialogue. Fortunately it’s sub-titled in english for those of us unfamiliar. The sets are great, the animation smooth, and the story is sweetly engaging.
Naive clown with a fabulous act and a heart of gold wants to join the circus. But this is no ordinary circus via
Directed by Thomas Pors
Beyond the Mind’s Eye is the 1992 follow up to The Mind’s Eye and, true to Moore’s Law, the animation has improved in step with the increase in computing power. The music is done by Jan Hammer (yes, he did miami vice too, but don’t hold it against him) and tracks better than parts of the first series.
So, let’s start at the beginning with Virtual Reality…
Well, I spent the week lovingly working on a post only to realize it shouldn’t be posted. So… no ‘long post’ this cycle. Have a few in the works so hopefully I’ll have something next week.
So as not to leave you hanging, however, I offer up a documentary on Queen and Bohemian Rhapsody. I was a teenager when A Night At The Opera was released but can probably still lip sync many of the parts of BR… Incredible album and incredible band.
Very simple animation by Eleanor Stewart to go with an excellent tune.
Hoedown from the Rodeo ballet by Aaron Copeland (1942)
The Emerson, Lake, and Palmer version is the one I grew up with, however..
The Temple is the final installment in The Mind’s Eye and it’s the part of the tape I would wear out every time. Between the bleeding-edge animation (for 1990) and the (well-synchronized and most excellent) soundtrack, this track marks when I believed that 3D computer animation had finally matured past a nerdly diversion and into a mainstream entertainment medium.
You may recognize the surroundings and birds from the second installment, Civilization Rising, (or 03 per the video itself) as the animation between about the 50 second mark to a minute-twenty looks to be from just before this video.
I’ve collected the links to the videos from Beyond the Mind’s Eye and will begin posting them next week.
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The Ruffled Crow 