The Ruffled Crow

Animation, Art, and Other Shiny Things

Armor for Cats: Are Human’s Days Numbered?

When first I saw these pictures I was terrified. Feline armor could tilt that delicate balance of power between us and cats from our mere subjugation to broken cat toys.

White Knight Cat by Jeff de Boer

Brutal, strutting intimidation. Vicious, helmet-resonating growls. Simply weaving in between our feet adds serious risk and danger. Jumping into our lap could knock us unconscious.

And the Machiavellian nature of Felis Cattus, especially the armored one, will certainly exploit these possibilities to the extent they don’t inhibit their feeding schedule. And get the litterbox while you’re at it too…

Gladiator Cat Helmet

Gladiator Cat Helmet by Jeff de Boer

Where once we only need don our own armor when clipping their toe-nails or giving them a bath, now the simple act of petting without leather gloves could prove a bloody business. Consider the twist this could have put on the Tom & Jerry cartoons.

Upon further reflection, however, I can see where, what would seem to be impending and certain ruthless cat rule, falls apart: Cats will not operate as an army.

Samurai Siamese

Samurai Siamese by Jeff de Boer

Sure they’ll flock to food en mass or track a bird’s progress as a group, but operate as a unit? Won’t be happening. The adage about the impossibility of herding cats has relevance in this instance, I believe, and that is what gives me solace.

With that settled, it brings to mind the further impediment against armored feline overlords; getting them to wear it in the first place.

It is nigh on impossible to put a cat where it doesn’t want to be, and those cute little pictures of them dressed up in Dolly’s finest makes it very clear that it is an affront, if not a complete insult, to a feline’s dignity. Attempting to get one to stand still long enough just to secure on the tail armor would be quite enough to provoke spits and spins worthy of bath time at the cat clinic and I can assure you that I would not even make a half-hearted attempt at putting the helmet on puddy tat’s pate in anything less than full plate armor myself.

(Which leads me to note that there is not a single picture with either a cat or a mouse wearing this armor. Telling perhaps.)

In any event, and on a serious note, do stop in and take a look at Mr de Boer’s gallery, they are truly beautiful works of art. (I’d love to own one and wouldn’t let Jazmine wear it even if she wanted to.)

Jeff de Boer’s gallery of Cat and Mouse armor

2 responses to “Armor for Cats: Are Human’s Days Numbered?

  1. susiescience August 21, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Awesome armor. Cats are so much smarter than us, I don’t blame you for being scared.

  2. pienbiscuits August 27, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    Cats are hardcore. They don’t need armour.

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